Navigating the First Forty Days
The first forty days is an almost six-week period, a critical time for rest and recovery, and for a new mother to bond with her newborn baby. This tradition, honored by many eastern cultures, allows for a period of healing and adjustment and is centered around caring for and nourishing the new mother. Allowing for her to focus on one thing only, the transition from maiden to mother - a time of physical, psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual change.
Here are forty things that I learned in my first forty days as a new mother -
You can and will survive on much less sleep than you ever thought possible.
A consistent meditation practice will make surviving on much less sleep possible.
Postpartum can be both hard AND beautiful, it need not be exclusive.
Pushing away your anxiety will only make it more powerful, instead, name it, acknowledge the feeling and allow it to pass.
Feeling anxious does not make you a bad mother, it simply means you feel anxious.
For the first time in your life, you’ll wonder why you didn’t watch more TV before having a baby.
Getting outside daily (if only to the stoop and back) will do wonders for your mindset.
Give yourself permission to ask for help.
Do not compare your progress day by day, instead, look at how far you’ve come week-on-week.
Do not compare yourself (or your baby) to people on social media.
Don’t buy into the “sleep when the baby sleeps” narrative if it doesn’t feel supportive.
The simple act of resting and doing nothing can be equally as restorative as sleep.
Bringing your newborn home from the hospital is a whole-family adjustment.
Your puppy is inclusive of this adjustment.
Babies are not (programmable) robots.
Every day will be different, roll with it and don’t live and die by the schedule.
Get comfortable with your car seat before attempting to put your newborn in it.
Get comfortable with not knowing what the f#*k you are doing.
In time you will figure it all out.
Just as you figure it out the game will change (see #18)
You will google “is this normal” a thousand times in the first week.
You will be hungrier than you ever thought possible.
Breastfeeding is messier (and requires more hands) than the glossy pics would have you believe.
Newborns are much more robust than you think.
There will be times that you will need to prioritize taking a nap over enjoying 1-hr of uninterrupted time for yourself.
There will be times that you will need to prioritize 1-hr of uninterrupted time for yourself over a nap despite how very tired you are.
The newborn period will go faster than you ever thought possible.
Be as present as you can be.
Take pictures. Lots of them.
Remind yourself daily that you are capable.
If you are unsure of something (anything), phone a friend, sister, doctor, doula…
Trusting your mama-intuition will feel scary and even foreign at first (see #18) but in time this muscle will strengthen and you will learn to trust it.
Throw away any fiddly clothes. Nobody got time for buttons and bows at 1 AM.
Your baby knows only one language (crying), listen to them when they are communicating with you, and treat them like a whole person.
You will feel equal parts ‘found’ and ‘lost’ as you adjust to your new role as a mother.
Humans were not designed to do motherhood alone.
Find your village.
You will be amazed at what you are capable of doing with just one hand.
Despite saying “I will not be that mama” you will be that mama, the one that spends hours looking at photos and videos of your baby while they are sleeping.
Motherhood will expand your heart in more ways than you could ever have imagined.
Meet Elisa
As a Mama, wife, CEO, executive, and fertility advocate, Elisa is passionate about redefining motherhood.
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